Don't take this as some form of tomfoolery or prank, this is me- er- you, from the future. Yes, I know what you're thinking, "Me, from the future, that's impossible!" but I'm here to show you that it's not. I remember this, you're just sitting at your computer, thinking about how this isn't real, but in the back of your mind you know it is.
Look, I don't have much time. If the feds catch me sending this message back to myself, they'll shoot it down immediately, so if you're getting this message, than you'll need to read this quickly. Oh shit, I can hear their sirens behind me, I need to get this out fast!
Behind this message is something that the feds don't want me telling you. After I send this message, they'll probably have my head, but what I'm saving you from is a fate much worse than death. I can't tell you what to do directly, as that will be a major red flag that will cause this to be taken down immediately, but I guess I can tell you indirectly...
You should probably read the first word of every paragraph now.