When I was young, I used to review games. Mostly children games. I also acted as though I was on youtube; mentioning that "if you like this video I would do something" and stuff like that. One of those games was about a test creature trying to escape a lab filled with dimwits. I forgot all about it the last year, but 2 days ago, I found the tape. It just showed a circular, leech-like mouth.
Upon putting it into my Wii, it started without an intro. I selected New Game, and picked file 2, the empty one. The filled one was named "dead", oddly. I named my new file "anonymous" because i'm a wierdo, and started the game. The start was....wierd....to say at the least. It was in 1st Person view, on a rather forested area. Then I noticed some really creepy-looking humans running around, slicing up all the forage. Some had a scalpel and machete, and the eyes were pure bloodshot, as though they had pink-eye. One was wearing a hazmat suit, so I couldnt see his face, and maybe that is a good thing. One was wearing rather neat circular glasses and dots for eyes, and a round nose. The wierd part? She had extremely frazzy hair, and her smiling mouth had sharp, inhumane teeth. She also held a syringe with green fluid inside. Said person then ran up to "me", said "You're coming with us", and then apparently injected whatever I was. My character then fell over, and then it went black. Once the darkness was gone, I could see my character was facing a white steel floor. I knew it was just tranquilizer after that wierd scene. My character then stood up weakly, and moved around the white room. It was filled with wierd little creatures. They had long bodies, 4 legs with suction cups for feet, and 4 circular sharp teeth. And the eyes were just black dots. Also, they had little fins around their mouths.
When the game started, there was a little bar at the bottom that said "Find the leader." I was still in firstperson, and I used a nunchuk to walk around the strange tank. The creatures everywhere reacted to me, such as tilting their heads curiously when I got close, and some even followed me. Then I found something different. A loose plate, and a creepy butterfly thing that looks like one of the aliens, but just with wings. A message flashed on my screen.
"Press B to interact with your kind, pick up items, and attack."
This game was a platformer-action game, from what I see. I walked up to the "leader" and pressed B. Then a speech bubble popped up.
"Ah. I knew you would help us. You must save our kind by escaping this lab of dimwits, freeing the poor ones tested on, and"
The butterfly cringed.
"KILLING all our conquistadors."
Well, since it IS part-fighting, when he said "KILLING all our conquistadors.", I was not suprised. Also, I learned right there that I was the alien, and not the scientist guys. The butterfly then moved over to reveal the loose plate, but not before he gacked, fell over, and stopped moving. Pressing A on him said this message.
"He is most likely dead. Continue with your quest."
...That was cryptic. Anyway, I pressed B when facing the loose plate, and my character reached over, and the loose plate was disconnected from the wall, revealing a big square pipe.
"Press and hold + to crouch and crawl through these air vents!"
This game reminded me of prison escapisms at that moment. I held down +, and sure enough, my character crouched down, Garry's Mod style. I could then crawl through the pipes. At the end, I had to press B to knock off another plate to find myself in a hallway. There was one of those guys with the scalpel, but without the machete. A message flashed.
"Do not let the scientists find you, or else you can find yourself in a worse mess than the one you already are in."
"Slicers can chip down your health bar piece by piece with his scalpel if you do not avoid him. Sneak behind it."
He was looking around, yet never saw me crammed in those vents. Even when he looked directly AT me, he didn't even react. I decided to just crawl out and take the hits like a man, just to see what he would do. What he did was quite shocking.
He lunged at me, screaming like a maniac, and started slashing at me. A health bar appeared, and it was depleting fast. Every time the scalpel hit me, orange blood splatted on his face. When my health bar was no more, a cutscene played.
It was the same area, but in a camera-like view. I could see my character, one of the aliens, but it was mangled up beyond recognizion. Orange blood spewed out of the sleuth of clean slices all over his body. Then the scalpel-wielder slashed at it, making a straight cut right across its throat, clearly slicing open the jugular. Then the character fainted from blood loss.
I restarted at the tank, but like I left it. One of the many aliens told me "Whoa! You look like a zombie!", showing that I might still be injured.
"Press - to go into 3rd Person and view yourself."
I zoomed out, and my character still had the cuts, but they were stitched together. I do not get it. Why would those evil people actually heal it, even after it provoking a scientist (or atleast it looked like it)? Did they want to torture it? Were they giving mercy?
Anyway, I crawled through the vents, and stayed into my little hidey-hole at the end of the vent. I looked around, and saw a button that wasn't there before. It said "drop". I pressed B on it and my character reached out one of those suctiony legs of its and pressed it. An anvil dropped behind the slicer, making him look behind himself and say "What the (bleep) was that?". It was actually bleeped in the game. A message flashed.
"Quick! Run by holding Z before he finds you!"
I ran like out of there, and exited through a hollow door that was only big enough for a dog to crawl through, hilariously. Then there was a cliff. There were platforms leading to another cliff.
"Press A to jump and avoid immenant death!"
I hopped platform-to-platform and made it to the other cliff. I noticed another doggie door, and I crawled through it, revealing a steep hill.
"You have to run to get up these mountanous areas."
I had to run up the hill, to reveal a little room with a window that oversees the hallway with the scalpel guy. At the bottom was another "drop" button. Pressing it dropped an anvil onto the scalpel guy, smashing him, splashing blood across the room. He also dropped his scalpel. Then I remember vomiting when I was a child playing this game. This must have been the scene that made me vomit.
The glass then broke, leaving little shards all over the room, and a bridge then extended across the width of the hallway, and a door opened at the other end of the bridge.
Stepping on the glass made me lose health, which was a nice touch.
When I crossed the bridge, it was revealed that the door had a slide in it.
"This slide is made for humans. Who cares if you use it, right?"
I slid down and at the end, I flew right through one of those girls with a tranquilizer.
"Whew! Thank god you killed her; she is the most dangerous person around here! If she jabs you with that syringe, it's lights-out for you!"
The death of the girl was quite gruesome aswell. My character kicked off her head, and it smashed into another wall, spreading her brains on the wall.
Because of that, I decided to quit for the day. The next day, I loaded up the unnamed game, and as soon as it loaded, I was greeted with a message.
"Are you proud of me? I did it for you."
The darkness was removed to reveal I was in a whole other area. It was...pretty spaztic looking. I was not skilled enough with the game for this place. Then some messages were shown to reveal what was supposed to be said earlier in the game.
"Press C for a map!"
"Run while jumping to jump higher!"
"Press + and - at the same time to commit seppuku!"
"Shake the remote to smash!"
"Test subject 1 is out. Catch it."
"Test subject 1 has killed a quarter of our army. Catch it and kill it."
"Test subject 1 has killed everyone except for me. I'm getting out of here."
"You are at the exit! Be quick!"
I was already at the end of the game? This was impossible. I was at the start and now my character has warped to the end in my sleep?
Now the game was breaking the 4th wall. I decided to go through it and get it over with. I used my newfound skills to get through the great obstacle course. Then at the end, the door was closed. I doubted there was EVEN a door. My character then zoomed out on its own, to show it being smashed against the wall, spraying its orange blood across the area, and spreading strange looking organs on the floor. Then it flashed to an actual dead body. Her throat was sliced. She had frazzy hair and round glasses. Her nose was round. Her teeth looked kinda sharp.
She had a tranquilizer dart in her hand.
Then a final message was put on the screen.
"Revenge is best served cold."