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From the guy who brought you a piece of ass called "Buryman", comes a story made in 5 minutes about sarcastic asshole with all the power in the world, and wastes it on some guy playing a sega genesis, please enjoy. (By the way, If you would prefer the original, click Here)


I think I'll start this off like most of these internet horror stories start off, considering I put no thought into this little tale I might as well.

I was sitting by myself in a small room in this little clubhouse of mine, if you can call an abandoned camp house in the middle of the midwestern woods such a thing. I watch the sunset's last moments as darkness inches ever closer. Too bad it's almost summer, which means it won't be the time to have any fun with the locals of the nearby towns, but it also means I have a good 2 hours or so to think of something.....or I could just rifle through my comic books again and maybe an idea will come later.

Being too lazy to get up I open the drawer psychokinetically and bring all my comics to me at once, forming a circle around me ripe for the pickings. Sometimes I like to call it my go-to plot device for creating some of the stories the locals of the towns I like to play around in come up with but psychokinesis just sounds more badass.

I scan over the floating comics and grab one I haven't read in a while. I grab “Spider-Man: Maximum Carnage” from the collection and send the rest back to the drawer.

As night grows ever darker, the moon glows bright and comic pages are flipped. The question this comic distracted me from earlier suddenly hit me, I asked myself out loud “Hm, who wants to play with me today?” I put the comic down read off the names and addresses of everyone in the 3 nearest towns in my mind.

I chose a guy named Brian, who happens to own a Sega Genesis, and just so happens to have the Maximum Carnage game for it! I love it when everything already set for playtime! Brian and I are gonna have barrels of fun! I shapeshift into an owl Mr. Brian's house taking the shortest route I just came up with.

Landing on the roof I sense that Brian has a friend over who is staying for the night. I shapeshift into a carnage symbiote and slide down the chimney, because slipping through the seams of the roof tiles is overrated, that's why. After coming down from the chimney I would take some time to look around the house, maybe break a vase, cause a bit of tension, instill some fear into poor old Brian before I go and murder his friend when he's not looking. But since this is a half ass creepypasta made at 2 AM on a friday by a hyperactive high school graduate who could be looking at,well, you know, of his favorite hooded catgirl, I'll probably run in and haunt the Maximum Carnage cartridge and make it all glitchy before I jump out and go OOGA BOOGA BOOGA and eat him.

The more I think about how I can get this show on the road I keep thinking about half assing it. I can't help but think about the ever so juicy ribs and biceps Brian seems to have, perfect as is with only the blood to complement the sweet, sweet taste of the meat. Thoughts of slowly tearing the meat right off the ribcage or spine starts watering my currently non-existent mouth. I want to get to my feast as soon as I can but at the same time I want to play with tonight's meal. So why not? Fear gets the blood pumping, that oughta make the guy nice and juicy.

I slither over to the living room, shift back into my original form, smash the big TV with my fist, then go back to symbiote form and hide under the couch. Good, I caused some noise, hopefully dinner will come right to me. “What was that?” I predictably heard from Brian's bedroom. “Sounds like someone broke in and smashed something”.

“I never heard the door opening, I doubt someone broke in, man” I heard his friend say to to him. “Be right back” Brian (why do you keep typing brains author?) said while walking to the living room and inspecting the broken TV, during which I slithered away to Brian's (Can you just say his bedroom? I'm sure the readers will know the bedroom belongs to Brian by now.) bedroom and stuck to the ceiling for a bit.

I hanged there for a few minutes, watching Brian's friend play Maximum Carnage on the Genesis I mentioned earlier, thinking to myself how the Maximum Carnage comic I read has nothing to do with the story and oh my god the delts on Brian's buddy here would go great with steak sauce. Wait, did I just cause a plot hole? I don't care. I silently slip around and sink my goopy black body into the Genesis while it's being played. Good thing this rig has both of the add-ons for the Genesis, not sure why but whatever.

Buddy (I don't care about his real name so I'll call him that) seems to have caught me in the act, so he turned off the genesis and investigated it for, well, me. buddy took out the game cart and took a good hard look at it, in the meantime I whipped out a testicle from the cartridge slot of the genesis and choked him with it. Tired of hiding, I ooze of of the cart slot and take the full form of none other than Carnage.

Feeling like a badass, I hold the poor guy to the wall while he squirms, screams and pants in fear and despair “Wha-What do you want with me!? Put me down you freak!” he yelled. Brian obviously heard everything and rushed to aid his friend but it were too late, I tentacle whipped him sending him flying a short distance. I decided to skip the scary face routine and get right to the good stuff.

First I grabs his legs and throw the poor kid at the window, cracking his bones and making him bleed in 1000 different places. In agony and pain the guy can barely move, before he could scream for help I stomp on his chest and cracked his ribcage before picking him up and snapping his back from the lowest vertebrae. A little overdoing couldn't do more harm so from the spinal break, I tear the poor guy in two.

The man's intestines and fragments of bones spill onto the floor accompanied by buckets of blood and feces. Given the man has only about 3 minutes to live I thought it was time for the finale. So I dug my claws into his chest and opened the ribcage with sounds of cracks and screams to find a still beating heart. I quickly grab the heart from between the lungs and violently rip it out ending his misery.

Given how Brian hasn't come rushing to help I take a bite out his friend's heart, not too bad I must say. But ever so convieniently Brian got up and is rushing to see what went down, so I pop the rest of the heart in my mouth and shift into a black goop once more. Naturally Brian screams for help and cries. I'll just sit this one out for a few moments and let Brian come to terms with what went on. Brian ran out of his room screaming and running for a phone.

I follow him around until he picks up a phone and dials 911. While he's on the phone I shift into Carnage again and throw him across the room and throw a nightstand at him. You know I'm starting to get bored with this shtick, I need to make a stop for snacktime and bail out quick.

I went back to the mutilated body and tear off a few good sections of meat. First dining on the tender neck meat, well what's left of it anyway. Then the deltoids, then what's left of the ribs, all of it very much worth sinking my teeth into. I would take some with me and kill Brian down the hall, but it just wouldn't be as fun. With poor Brian traumatized for life he'll be wishing to die. Maybe I'll kill him at a later time, but for now, this is a fate worse than death.

On the wall of the bedroom I write CARNAGE (because I had to make a non-existent connection somehow) with the blood of Buddy and slide through the cracks in the window. While I shift into and owl and fly away back to the woods I think to myself oh what fun I had. Maybe I should do the Carnage thing again, maybe, just maybe. I'll think of something later, for now I'll just think of poor old Brian, and laugh.

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