Written By: Kaptain DTSW
“It's just a nightmare, I promise I will never hurt you.” These nightmares. What are these nightmares? Why can't I stop these nightmares? My name is Emily Corbann, and my reality is a nightmare.
Years have passed since I met the love of my life. I went to a friend's party, and being the introvert I am, sat in the corner minding my own business. Kelvin is a man I've seen a few times, but we never spoke until that very day. He was eighteen at the time, and I was twenty two. We talked about the little things, like what our favorite types of music were, what movies we liked, what video game genre's we preferred. After a few hours of talking, he asked me on a date. Friends of mine said Kelvin is a complete asshole, but the truth is that he's very misunderstood. He's a good guy once you understand when he is and isn't serious. I said yes, and two days later we went on our first date.
Our first date ended with our first kiss. After a month we acknowledged our love for each other; and, after three we became sexually active as if each day together would be our last. Time passed by way too quickly, and we became a single entity on our one year anniversary. Our love for each other grew by the minute; yes, we had our struggles like any other couple, but that just made our bond stronger. This was the first person I've dated to where I can confidently say, I love with every cell of my heart.
Another year passed, and for our second anniversary; Kelvin, proposed that we live in an apartment together. I gladly accepted, dying to get a place away from my parents. I packed up my cats and bags, and headed out to our new home. It's not that I didn't like my parents, it's just that I was at that age where I didn't want to be treated as a kid anymore. That thought quickly changed in a few weeks when we finally found a house on the poor side of the city. Having bills, multiple bills, sucks. Kelvin graduated from college with an associates, and quickly became a network engineer; I on the other hand, never finished college and was a part-time cook for a restaurant. He was more than willing to pay a large percentage of the bills, but it made me feel like a kid when he did. It felt as if I was back with my parents, paying rent.
I decided to look for a second job, and Kelvin was more than willing to find me a position at his company. They hired me on as a full time entry-level assembly technician. Having two jobs was a lot of work and very stressful, but I needed the money; high speed internet for steaming porn isn't going to pay for itself. With the extra money, we were finally able to fix up the house. We finally have a working dishwasher, a king-size bed to replace the fold-out couch, mirrors in the bathrooms, and a whole bunch of other stuff I never thought we could possibly afford. But my favorite thing about the extra money is the fact that neither of us have ate instant ramen since I obtained the job.
Everyone at the company knows about the relationship Kelvin and I have. The people we work with have come to love the both of us, and they threw a party on our three year anniversary. Not only that, but we both got promoted in the process. Kelvin is now the assistant manager for the Network Engineering branch of our company, and I became the supervisor for the assembly technician branch. I was able to quit my part-time job, and the two of us were living the American dream. We had enough money to sell our old place, and find a house on the nice side of town. The nice part about being rich is the fact that you don't have to do any of the heavy work yourself, you can pay people to do it. It was a beautiful three-bedroom, three-bathroom, full basement house, on the lake side. We lived in a reserve where all of the outdoor necessities like grass cutting were taken care of by the owners of the reserve. We had to pay a maintenance tax, but it's more than worth it.
Around the time of coming into our new home, I've been having these vivid dreams. As each day passed, the dreams became more ludic and lucid. I don't know if it's because of the house, or because I'm working more hours; but, these dreams quickly became nightmares that conjoint with everyday life. These nightmares would hurt me. I can feel these illusions cause me pain both physically and mentally. And I don't know what's worse; the fact that I can't wake up from them, or the fact that it's always Kelvin who's the one causing me pain in these dreams. Either he's pushing me, or yelling at me until I cry; but, when I wake up, there he is sleeping besides me. After a few weeks, I toughened up and told him that it was he who was causing me harm in my dreams. He held my tight and whispered in my ear, “It's just a nightmare, I promise I will never hurt you.”
I went to go see a psychiatrist Dr. Klamar, and thankfully the medication he gave me worked. I was able to get a full night of sleep again, I was able to pay attention to my job; and, I was able to look at Kelvin without flinching.
On our 4 year anniversary, Kelvin threw a party; inviting friends, family, employees, and our neighbors. On that day he proposed, and I fought a losing battle to hold back my tears. I hugged him and said “yes, I do!” We went back to work on Monday to even better news. Kelvin got promoted to manager at his position, and I assistant manager at my technician assembly position. October hit and being the freaks we are, we got married on Halloween. He dressed in a well crafted version of the iron armor from Skyrim because he's a mead drinking scumbag; and, I dressed like Toriel, because I'm furry Undertale trash. Kelvin's groomsmen dressed like bandits from Borderlands; and, my bridesmaids wore dresses centered around different types of Pokemon. I still remember his vows, as though he just spoke them to me…
To that of which I have spent countless days of an eternal happiness, I thank you. To that of which I cried tears of joys instead of distraught, I thank you. To that of which has blinded the shadows of my soul with the light of everlasting love, I thank you. To that of which has adjusted my lifestyle to pure harmony, I thank you.
For you are the heart's seed, which flourished my body with peace and tranquility. For you are the one who has murdered my brain of hate, and nursed it with love. For you are that who has relinquished their health, for my happiness. For you are the one I can go to with anger, and leave with a smile.
Where others see my evil, you see my good. Where others laugh at my mistakes, you encourage for improvement. Where others hate me for what I am, you comfort me for who I am. Where others demand that I leave, you beg me to stay.
The look in your eyes has changed my interests, and the touch of your hand has changed my desires. Your mind's power makes me question my own, and your body stays near even when it tires. You are the one I wish to dance with, in a moon lit sky on a warm autumn breeze. You are the one I wish to pounce, to stare, to tickle, and to tease.
Each kiss after the next, is a show of love that I could never text. Each look into your eyes, is a show of passion that my heart can never deny. With a body of beauty, my favorite curve is your smile. With a passion like yours, I would chase after for miles.
You are my sunshine, my only sunshine.
You are my moonlight, of an ocean sky.
You don't know dear, how much I love you.
Even though you always make me sigh.
You heart, it makes me smile.
You hug me, when I cry.
I love you, every bit of you.
Oh please don't ever say goodbye.
My vows went something along the lines of, “I DO, NOW KISS ME.”
We had our honeymoon in this beautiful place called Akihabara, because we are both weeaboos. I never thought I'd see the day where I'd buy hentai, but I bought too much hentai. Coming back home after our honeymoon, everything went back to normal; except, for the nightmares. I haven't stopped taking the medication, whenever I did the nightmares would come back; but, now it does nothing. I started taking double, triple the amount I was prescribed; but, the nightmares kept coming back. I went to go see my psychiatrist, and they gave me the maximum amount of medication legally prescribed, it still did nothing. The nightmares would melt my brain, and sodomized my heart. I couldn't be near Kelvin anymore. Every morning he would nudge me awake from my nightmares. But the touch of him, the poke of his finger was a knife stabbing into my arm.
Even if I was fully awake, I couldn't let him touch me. The caress of his hand to my face, was a slice to my cheek. The smallest hug, suffocated me. The gaze of his eyes would set my flesh on fire. His words were dog whistles ringing into my ears. And the fact that he became heartbroken from it all, is what hurts the most. Not only him, but everyone I came across would make me tick. It got to the point that I had to take a leave from work.
Kelvin started sleeping in another bedroom, and the nightmares started to die down. I was still getting them, but they were nowhere as bad as they used to be. I'm glad I'm able to speak to Kelvin again, and not have to talk to him via text messages. A week passed and the nightmares finally stopped. I wanted nothing more than to cuddle next to Kelvin once again.
Saturday came, we decided to watch a movie as we cuddled in the corner of the couch. We watched random dry-humor anime #22. I was in heaven as he held me tight in his arms. I quickly fell asleep, only for the nightmares to begin. Kelvin put me in a headlock, trying to choke me. I tried screaming, but no words would come out. I began to squirm using all of my might to break free. I woke up from hitting my head on the solid wood flooring. “Emily you're bleeding!” he said with fear in his voice. “Are you okay? What happened?”
He put his hand on my shoulder, and it felt like 1000 needles digging into my skin. “Don't touch me!” I screamed as I slapped away his hand. I ran into my bedroom, and rushed for the bathroom looking for medical supplies. I cleaned up the cut above my eyebrow, and put a bandage over it.
Kelvin knocked on the frame of the door, “Emily what happened? Before you fell off the couch, you were shaking to the point of having a seizure.”
I started to cry as I hid my face in the sink. “I'm sorry Kelvin, I don't know what's wrong with me. The nightmares are scaring me.” Kelvin walked over to me, and put his arm around my shoulder to give me a hug. His arm felt like a burning piece of metal, tearing through my shirt and causing my back to blister. I pushed him back as hard as I could, “Don't touch me!” He tripped into the bathtub, this was the first time I ever physically hurt Kelvin; and, I was just as scared as him. “I'm… I’m so sorry.”
I spoke with Dr. Klamar, and informed him that the nightmares were affecting my every day life. He recommended that Kelvin and I continued to sleep in separate rooms for my own sake; but, being away from Kelvin was a nightmare come true. Seeing how I was feeling physical pain from my husband, the psychiatrist diagnosed my illness as schizophrenia. He prescribed me with Thorazine, and told me to schedule an appointment two weeks later. Two weeks passed and there was no success. Kelvin and I slept in separate rooms, so the nightmares stopped; but, I couldn't even so much as be in the same room as him without feeling anxious. If we ever go somewhere, we have to drive separate cars or else I would feel nauseous. He then prescribed other medications, one by one none of them worked.
Dr. Klamar then brought up the idea of going through electroconvulsive therapy (ECT). I was to visit the hospital 5 times a week, for two weeks. I would be given anesthesia during the ordeal, and each ECT session would last 20 or so minutes. I was not allowed to drive while under ECT, so I scheduled my appointments late in the day that way Kelvin could drive me.
We went to the first session, and I was scared beyond belief. I didn't care how nauseous I felt, or how badly Kelvin's body burned my own. I squeezed his hand the entire drive there, I needed his comfort. Laying on a surgical bed, continuing to hold Kelvin's hand as the surgeon went over the who premises of ECT. I signed a bunch of waivers and consent forms; a nurse came in with an anesthesia mask, and connected it to my face. I closed my eyes for a few seconds and when I opened them, I was in another room, still holding Kelvin's boiling hand. Session one out of ten was over, time to come back tomorrow. As each session passed, the boiling blistering pain that was his hand, became warm and soothing.
At the end of the 10th session, I awoke to feel a jolt of electricity, spark through my entire body. It was a feeling of passion I've never felt, since the first time I held Kelvin's hand.
It burns. It burns! IT BURNS! My body is burning! My heart is melting! My brain is inflamed! And my soul is on fire!
A sigh of exhaustion leaves my lungs, and I lay in a pool of sweat. There is no pain more satisfying, than the pleasure of making love to my husband once again.
“Hey Kelvin, guess what.”
“Hey Kelvin, guess what.”
“What is it?”
“I'm the happiest person ever.”
“Aren't you going to ask why I'm so happy.”
“Why are you so happy?”
“Because I get something that you could never have.”
“A husband? Because I can go gay if needed.”
“Not even close.”
“So what do you have, that I could never get?”
“The joy of being a mom!”
After three years of marriage, and after an eternity of pleading, Kelvin finally broke. We are having a baby, and I've never been so excited in all of my life. Kelvin is happy too, but he's trying his hardest not to show it. He's the kind of person who absolutely despises the idea of children. But something about him realizing he will be a dad, brings a smile to that dork's face.
I put in my two week notice when I was 9 months pregnant, because I didn't want the fatigue of being a full-time employee and a full time mother.. Everybody got together to throw me a baby shower on my final day. It's nice to see we could be more than just co-workers. Any day now my water will break, I can hardly sleep due to the anticipation. I've been up all night for the past month playing video games, I'm so excited. Kelvin on the other hand is normally out by the time he gets home. It's fantastic that he was promoted to CEO of the company, sadly he works 12 hour shifts for 5 days a week. But with the money he's bringing in, I don't complain.
I remember asking Kelvin if it was okay if I could name our child Asriel if it's a boy; and, if it was a girl, if I could name her Frisk. He said he would consume the souls of 7 humans if I did. We settled for something a little more classy. If it was a boy, he would be named Ezekiel; if, it was a girl, she would be named Elizabeth.
Friday night hit, and Kelvin came home exhausted. Everyday I'd open the door and greet him, we would watch around an hour of TV, and then he would be out the second he hit the bed. Tonight was different. I opened the door and greeted him as I always do, but he didn't show any signs of affection towards me. He had this blank stare in his eyes, and ever so slightly nudged me out of the way. He dragged himself into our house, and worked for the stairway. “Are you alright?” I asked following behind him. He didn't respond. “Rough day at work?” Kelvin opened the door to our bedroom, walked in, and face-planted his side of the bed. I laid on the other side of the bed, looking at his fatigued face. “What's wrong? Did you have to do something physical for once in your life?” He groaned. “Or did they make you do math this time? You know, I'm starting to think the only reason you became CEO is because you enjoy being tortured. You sure are a sick fuck, you know that? Getting off to the idea of being abused and-”
Kelvin grabbed me, and held my close. “Shh,” he whispered into my ear. “Sleepy time.” He fell asleep. I was unable to break free from his grip, so after a long while of nothing, I was able to fall asleep as well.
I awoke alone in my bed. That's odd, I've never seen Kelvin awake on a Saturday before 11:00am. I dressed myself, and walked down the flight of stairs. There I saw Kelvin sitting on the couch, watching TV. “Good morning,” I excitingly said. Kelvin didn't respond. “Kelvin, you alright.” There was still no response. “You better not try and scare me!” I said as I walked up to him. I put my hand on his shoulder, only for him to continue going without a response. I gave him a slight shake, but still no response. “Kelvin. Kelvin, Kelvin!” I said as I started to shake him harder.
“Stop it, I'm trying to sleep,” he said smacking my hand away. He stretched, and started to lay down taking up most of the couch.
“Let me guess, you fed the cats and passed out on the couch?” I asked sitting next to him.
“Basically,” he yawned.
My stomach began to turn viciously. “The baby is kicking pretty hard, I should be due any day now.”
Kelvin put his hand on my stomach, and kissed me on the lips. He got up from the couch. “Kicking huh,” he laughed. “Well let me kick back!” Kelvin side-kicked me right in the stomach, causing me to lose my wind. He began to choke me with his left hand, and started upper-cutting my stomach with the other. Each blow more painful than the next, it felt as if his fist went right through me. The contact of his knuckles, fractured my organs. His giant black pupils, stared deep into my eyes. No words were said, no grunts of air. The only noise I can hear is the sound of my unborn child, crying for help.
Screaming in a panic from my nightmare, Kelvin woke me up in the middle of the night. Seeing my water broke, we quickly rushed to the hospital. After a lifetime of pain, summarized into several hours of child labor; my, happiness ended in a miscarriage.
Returning home, Kelvin and I didn't speak a word to each other. Kelvin was distraught, I could see it in his eyes. He grew to love the idea of being a father. He loves, cares for, and protects me; all he wanted was the chance to give that same emotion to another being. Words could not express the terror I felt. My soul was torn, my heart was terrorized, my being was tampered. We did not lose Ezekiel, we lost a part of ourselves.
The two of us walked into the guestroom, and looked at the months of work we spent turning it into a child's room. Time spent painting and decorating. Money spent buying toys, a crib, diapers, and clothing. Love given to that of which will never know the feeling. We lost more than tears, we lost our baby.
It only took a few months, but the pregnancy test finally showed up positive. Ezekiel may have been a lost cause, but William/Whitney has a chance. I waited eagerly for Kelvin to return home. I was filled with antici- “What-cha watching Emily?” -pation, he's finally home! I grabbed him by his tie, and yanked him in for a kiss.
“So guess what happened today,” I said bouncing on the couch.
“Another gorilla was shot?” he replied.
“No, even better.” I got up and hugged Kelvin as hard as I could. “The pregnancy test was positive!”
“That's great!” Kelvin said as he hugged me back. “While on my way home, I got you a gift. It's only fitting seeing how I'll have to work on our anniversary. Now close your eyes and put your hands out.”
I let go and did as he asked. Closing my eyes, cupping my hands, smiling intensely, putting my hands in front of me. A few seconds passed, and nothing happened. A minute passed, and nothing happened. Several minutes passed and nothing happened. “Umm… Kelvin, you said you were going to give me a gift.”
“Hold on I'm still getting it out of my bag.” A few more minutes passed. “Okay, you can open your eyes now.” I opened my eyes and there Kelvin was, pointing a double-barrel shotgun at me. He pulled the trigger, and two buckshots tore through my abdomen. I fell to my knees, as I tried to keep what was left of my intestines, inside what was left of my lower-half. Blood poured out of me, like a fountain.
I tried my hardest to give out any form of sound, and it resulted in me producing a banshee of a scream. Looking into his demented eyes, all I could see was satisfaction.
I awoke to Kelvin's small smacks to my face, both of his hands firmly grasped my head.. “Are you okay Emily?!” he asked with the look of shell-shock in his eyes. I began crying, and hugged him as tight as I could. I look down to discover that I'm bleeding. Blood gushed out of me, and showed no signs of stopping. I rush into the bathroom, and sighed a pitiful cry. It was only my period.
These nightmares. What are these nightmares? Why can't I stop these nightmares? My reality is a nightmare! The two are intertwined and it is tearing me apart!
I had a nightmare that I was going to take a shower. There I saw Kelvin struggling, with his hands in the a tub full of water. “Kelvin, what's wrong, is the bathtub clogged again?”
He stopped struggling and stood up. “Look for yourself.” I look over his side, to see the floating corpses of my cats, swaying left and right in the tub. I awoke in horror, sprinting into the bathroom to make sure it didn't come true. Neither of them were in the bathroom, let alone the rest of the house. I spent three days searching for them, leaving out toys and treats; but, there was no sight of them. On the fourth day I'm outside staring into the lake, and there I see their lifeless bodies, wash up on the beach in front of me.
I had a nightmare that Kelvin ran me over repeatedly with his car. There I am going to get the mail, and he rams the car into me, pinning my body against the house. What happens when I wake up? A drunk driver crashes into me, as I try and go to the grocery store!
I had a nightmare that Kelvin broke every bone in my arm. He takes a hammer, bashing every single fucking bone in my hand! Starting from the pinky, working to the thumb, every single bone was shattered to pieces! I wake up later, and fall down the stairs, breaking my wrist. It's not coincidence, I know for a fact it's not.
I can't trust him. I can't trust him! He is linked to these nightmares. He is destroying me from the inside. He knows- he knows I'm losing faith in him. And because of it, he's trying harder and harder to convince me to be on his side. “It's just a nightmare, I promise I will never hurt you.” Yeah well how fucking important is a promise in this day-and-age? I know he's doing this; but, why? Why spend your entire life tormenting someone? Why tell someone you love and care for them; and then tear them apart? Kelvin is hurting me; and I have no bruises to prove it.
The worst part is, everyone's in on it; even my own fucking parents. Kelvin promises to never hurt me. Yeah, well why are you haunting my dreams! The doctor says it's schizophrenia. Yeah, well he's a fucking retard, because schizophrenia can be fixed! My parents say that Kelvin and I are perfect for each other. Then why can't we be in the same fucking room anymore! If we are perfect for each other, why is this shit happening! Liars! You are a bunch of liars! You are a bunch of god damn liars! I will find the truth, and when I do; they, will all pay.
Kelvin tried to hold my hand, and I punched him right in the shoulder. “Don't touch me! Don't look at me! Stay the fuck away!” This shit has been going on for over a year; how much longer until Kelvin stops this horrible prank?
“Emily you know I-”
“Don't you say a word to me you lying cock-sucker! You keep saying you won't hurt me, but your promises are a god damn lie!”
“I am not hurting you! I would never hurt you!” All I could see is the look of pure anger, pure terror in his eyes as he screamed those words into my face. Turning away, he fell to his knees and sobbed into his hands. “Why- would you ever think- that I for a second- would hurt you? It's just a nightmare Emily! I promise- I will never hurt you! I love you Emily, I love you more than anyone or anything. Through good- through bad- sickness- and health. I- I- I love you! Why- why don't you believe me?!”
I watched as tears left the palms of his hands, and glided down his arms. Is he being serious? Does he actually love me? Was the doctor right and it's all in my head? Were my parents- were they right in saying that we are perfect for each other?
No. He's lying, he's trying to cover up for himself. I'm not stupid, I've seen this tactic before. You are not fooling anyone! You god! Damn! LIAR!
"I've been locked up in this damned asylum for five years now. These nightmares, these fucking nightmares have haunted me to the point of trying to kill Kelvin. I would stay up in the middle of the night and stare at him. His body so weak and unaware, he could die in an instant. It only took two tries smothering him with a pillow, before he put a lock on his door. He was hiding something from me, because it's not irony that my dreams would get worse the second I couldn't enter his room anymore. He was hiding something; a device, a machine, witchcraft, he had something.
He was slightly worried when I tried to cut down his door with an ax. It was setting the house on fired, which allowed authorities to get involved. He didn't want to tell them that it was I who burned down the house; but me shouting the phrase, “I wish you would have died in that fire!” tipped them off.
Years passed since Kelvin and I have divorced. We parted ways, but the nightmares stayed. I can see, I can feel his presence killing me. It's been 8 days since I've slept. 8 days without one of those fucking nightmares. I'm getting better. I can feel myself getting tired, but better in the process. 9, 10, 12 days until those damn doctors found out what I'm doing, and demanded I sleep. I said no! I gave them the finger! Those fuckers can go eat a dick! I refuse to have another nightmare! They, they didn't approve of my disobedience. I locked myself in the room, and I'm currently barracking the door with my bed and body. They are calling for backup, so this doors about to break the second they show up. Maybe if you, oh, I don't know; get out of the fucking fetal position and help me out, that would be fan-fucting-tastic! This isn't one of your illusions playing tricks on you, get over here and help me you piece of shit!”
I demanded my room mate help me, but they didn't move. They didn't move a fucking inch as the door swung open, causing my bed to collapse on top of me. They held me down as I screamed my lungs out. “Don't touch me! Don't look at me! Stay the fuck away! You animals will not make me sleep!” I struggled and fought, but it was no use. They inserted a syringe into my arm, sedating me into unconsciousness.
Kelvin smacked my face, removing a needle from my arm. “Good you're awake, I thought I lost you this time.” I awoke, naked, and tied to a table in what looked to be a condemned house. “This is the last shot of adrenaline I have, you really need to stop passing out.” I struggled to free myself, but it was no use. The rope tying my hands and feet, constricted my veins, causing them to go numb. “It's cute to see that the only happiness you have, is inside a dream.” Kelvin grabbed a pocket knife from a coffee table next to me, flipped it open; and, stabbed me in the right thigh, leaving the knife to hang. I tried, but was unable to scream, let alone get a single glimpse of sound out of my mouth.“It's cute you think in some magical way, I'm the CEO of a company, and you are my amazing wife.” Taking a meat-hook, he rammed it deep into the back of my knee, forcing it through the front. “It's cute you think that I for some reason, would love you.” He grabbed a hammer and swung it, fracturing my jaw. “That I, would protect you.” Putting on leather gloves, Kelvin grabbed razor wire, wrapping it around his hands to make a straight string. “That everything happening, is just a nightmare!” Kelvin placed the razor wire along my breasts; and, pressed down, slicing them both. “That I would never hurt you!” He sliced down to my rib cage, and began grinding left and right, sawing my ribs. “I guess I do love you...” he laughed, removing the wire from my chest, and taking off the gloves. Grabbing a steak knife, he slowly slit my throat. “Because love hurts Emily. Love really fucking hurts!”
“Emily are you okay!” I awoke in shock and in sweat, to the sight of Kelvin on top of me.
I looked at Kelvin's young face, he seemed slightly distraught, but nothing more. “Yeah, I had a nightmare, that's all.” He asked me about the nightmare, and I gave him a full detailed description of what happened.
“Wow! That's ugh… that's pretty intense.”
“It felt so very, very real.” I said as I shivered from the thought. “I am very, VERY glad it was only a dream.”
Kelvin began to smirk, and that smirk turned into laughter. “Get- get your ass over here,” he said as he began to hug me. The touch of his body next to mine burned. It burned with a passion I haven't felt in… I guess my nightmare only lasted a few hours? He stroked my hair, and I began to fall asleep in his arms. Putting his lips next to my ear, he whispered,“Emily, it's just a nightmare. I promise I will never hurt you.”