It is common knowledge that even the most brilliant human mind can only use about ten percent of their brain’s full potential. It is one of the only true limiting factors on the human species. What would you do if you knew there was a way to unlock more of your mind’s ability?
Be warned: the following ritual is truly dangerous. You must follow these directions as closely as possible. You will be messing with powers we will never fully understand, and as such even the slightest mistake could lead to disaster.
The following ritual will increase the total power in your brain by opening currently dormant synapses. Don’t expect to be able to lift cars with your mind, though. Your potential will only be raised to about fifteen percent, but that’s the difference between a B-average high school student and Stephen Hawking. Do keep in mind that if you succeed, and that is a very big “if,” you will need to increase your calorie intake to compensate for the increased brain activity, or you will starve to death.
You will need to acquire the following items:
1 full package of salt. The spirits you summon will be trapped in the salt circle you will make.
3 tall beeswax candles. In the earliest days of scholarship, before electricity, before kerosene, beeswax was used in candles to light a scholar’s work area.
1 cup of sugar. This is to attract spirits as well as catalyze the reactions needed to activate the dormant brain cells.
1 blindfold. Sensory deprivation will increase brain activity in areas close to the dormant areas in the brain.
1 blank notebook and 1 black pen. These are the modern equivalents of the paper and quill that ancient scholars used to write reports and copy books.
1 knife or pin. This is to draw blood.
This ritual must be done between the hours of midnight and 2 AM, when the spirits are strongest, and it is strongly suggested that you not perform it alone. A friend may be your only salvation if anything goes wrong. Again, it is important that the following steps are followed to the letter.
Light the candles and place them in a large triangle around you.
Turn out the lights. All other steps must be done by candlelight.
Pour the sugar in the center of the triangle.
Cut/prick your finger and let a few drops of blood puddle in the sugar. This will draw in spirits and connect them to you.
Count to sixty very slowly. This is to allow time for the spirits to collect.
Have your friend draw a circle of salt within the perimeter of the triangle made by the candles. You are not to leave the circle, and your friend is only to enter to save your life. Make sure the circle is unbroken. This will trap the spirits around you.
Place the notebook and pen in front of you, across from the sugar, inside the salt.
Drop a small amount of blood onto the cover of the notebook. This will connect you to the notebook.
Put on the blindfold and sit cross-legged within the circle and make sure that you, the pile of sugar, the notebook, and one of the candles form a straight line. This will streamline the spirits directly into you.
Breathe deeply and repeat the words “Spirits of knowledge and scholarship, I offer my mind for you to expand. I am your vessel; my brain is your home. Expand my knowledge; expand my knowing” seven times.
Concentrate, relax your body, and breathe deeply for five minutes. During this time, the spirits are entering your body through your breath and going to your mind. The deeper you breathe, the more spirits you will allow into your body, and the more your mind will be expanded.
At the end of the five minutes, your friend should break the circle and say “Spirits release this body of your possession, for it is not yours, but god’s to take” seven times.
Sleep until daylight. This will solidify your mind in its expanded state. This is extremely important, as if you do not sleep, you will have wasted your time and no changes will take effect.If you do the above ritual properly, you should wake up refreshed and able to learn more in less time than before, and your memory should be much better. If you did it wrong, or alone, you will either feel no difference (as no change occurred), or you will be on your ten o’clock news as the newest obituary report.