I am fat, ugly and unpopular. This is neither an exaggeration or an attempt to cry out for attention. This is just what I am, what I have always been, and what I will most likely be until the end of time. My name is Constance, and I am the biggest loser and waste of space you would have the misfortune to meet. I am THE unpopular kid at school, you know, the one that even the nerds at school laugh at and bully. There was a particular student who used to bully me non-stop. His name was Joe and he was the opposite of me: good-looking, popular and fit. He had a girl he had a crush on, and I think he bullied me to impress this girl. Whatever his reasons, he used to make me so depressed, and sometimes, very angry. What was worse, he used to live just across the street, so he would often bully me from even an out of school context.
I should have defended myself, not have been such a walking-mattress, but alas I am what I am. I never thought that I would have a real friend, someone to trust.
That was until I met Laura. She was everything that I wanted to be: beautiful, slim and fierce. Her hair flowed down her face and dazzled like the moonlight in a dark dusk. I was entranced with her overall dark appearance. I knew that Laura would not have taken any of the insults or mental torture that I endured. It was as if all of the anger and darkness in my heart was manifested into a person. I approached her and we suddenly got into a conversation.
Constance: "Hey, what is your name? I don't think I've ever seen you before at the school."
Laura: "I'm Laura...you, you are Constance aren't you? Your eyes, they are the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen. They remind me of jewels that have been picked up from the sea and which shine and glimmer with a radiant glow."
I was slightly stunned when she said this to me. No one had ever spoken to me like this before. It, it was everything that I ever wanted to hear. I had no idea how she knew who I was, I assumed she must have heard of me from one of the other students.
Laura: "Hey, can I come to your house and show you some cool things? I have a harp, a very pretty harp. I can teach you to play it with this videogame I have. I made it myself and I have to keep playing it! It’s, it’s, so...fun. It’s called ‘Dance of the Players’."
Constance: "I would love that, I have always wanted to play a musical instrument and I love playing video games!"
After Laura returned with her harp and game, I went home with her. We had great communication, and it was as if she could read every hobby and thought that swam around in my mind. She seemed to be a very gentle person. I mean, she had a very delicate appearance, almost like a nineteen sixties hippy. But then again, there was something really dark and gothic about her. I don't mean in a dumb gothic way, but in a really dark and eerie gothic way, as if she had a unique mysticism that shone forth from her personality like an aura. She had an unusual energy...it almost did not seem human.
Joe suddenly appeared before us and he teased, shouted and even cursed at me. This was just a typical day for me, jokes on my appearance were, unfortunately, a common topic. But this time I had Laura to protect me, and she held her arm around me as if she was sheltering me from all of the evils of the world. I caught a glimpse of her expression from the corner of my eye, she looked disgusted and angry. I knew it would not be the last I would hear of these two together. When we got to my house Laura tried to take my mind off Joe’s bullying as much as she possibly could, she was obviously concerned and touched about these comments. She must...she must really care for me! We went into my bedroom, and I booted up my Dreamcast. It was an old system, but this is the only system that could play Laura's game. I was curious as to what this could be.
Laura: "Watch me before you try to play this harp... it can be dangerous and I have never let someone play with it before."
I didn't quite understand what Laura meant. How could this harp be dangerous? Then again, why would she even bother showing me something that was a dangerous instrument?
The game looked like Guitar Hero, but it was very basic and stripped down. But Laura seemed to be seeing images that I didn’t, she seemed excited. What was weird was that nothing was plugged into the system, and I had no idea how the Dreamcast was picking up the notes that Laura was playing. However, I did not want to look stupid in front of this wonderful woman. What is more, Laura had told me that she had made this game herself and I did not feel I had the authority to challenge any aspect of her work.
I saw her caress the strings of the harp with her fingers, it was mesmerising and almost intentionally erotic. I think I was starting to become enamored with Laura, she was so wonderful! She placed her hand on my shoulder and since my shoulders were bare I could feel the warmth of her hand. She looked at me with an intense expression for a while, and then touched my hands, before moving them to the strings of the harp.
Laura: "Now, let me control your actions. Let me delve deep into your thoughts."
I started playing at a steady pace, but soon I was playing notes that I didn't even know existed. My hands started to get faster and faster until the room started to literally shake with the sublime musical echoes. I was starting to get frightened; this was not normal and I had this gut instinct that the combination of Laura and the game were doing this.
Constance: "What is going on Laura, this scares me. I don't, I don't understand."
Laura: "Don't worry my sweetie, I am here for you, let me help you. Let me guide you."
Blood started to ooze from the harp as I got more fierce and ferocious in my playing. The blood was dark and strong, and streamed down under the door. My gaze was fixated on this harp, this was most certainly not normal.
Constance: "What the...hell? Who are you, what are you doing!"
Laura: "I am you, or, I will be...soon enough, my lovelie."
I woke up. I must have, I must have been dreaming! It was all just a horrible nightmare...none of this ever happened! I looked straight ahead and saw that my laptop was lying on my lap, it was still on and it was loaded on youtube. A video was in my subscriptions box, it was called 'Join Me, Enjoy Your Swan Song Constance'.
I jumped in fear! Who was this...how could they possibly know my name? I didn't see the username, as it was obviously Laura. I loaded up the video and braced myself for what I would see! It was a girl playing the harp and singing 'This Woman's Work.' I remember this song! I was watching a programme on influential and great female singers and Kate Bush was one of the singers on this channel. She was one of the singers I liked the most. But most of all, I really liked the emotional message in the song. The main character was saying goodbye to his wife, he thought she was going to die.
The first thing that caught my attention was the image on the screen. It was Laura, but there was something strange about the image...it looked mutated. I was already getting scared but then my fear reached a whole other level once I focused on her singing voice. I thought it was Laura but then I realised.
The girl singing was me. I froze for a few seconds. What had happened? Had I blacked out...or had Laura manipulated me? The whole day had been so strange and bizarre. First of all I was learning to play a harp, and then I was suddenly singing without remembering. What did this all mean?
I looked to the right and the game was still in the Dreamcast. I loaded up 'Dance of the Players' and picked up the harp that was lying on the floor. I have no idea why I did this, but it just seemed natural. I took a tissue and tried to clean up some of the blood: the instrument was still bleeding from earlier. As I played the harp I started to reflect on everything that happened to me at the school. In the solitude of the room, I started to be consumed by the flame of hatred that was building up in my heart. I took the harp and, with all of my might, I smashed it against the wall. I smashed it against the bookshelf, I smashed it against the door and then I smashed it onto the floor. Blood showered all over the room. I fell to the bed and buried my head into my hands. After violently weeping for a short time I could hear a voice rattling in my head.
Laura: "Well done, my child. I hope you are seething with the rage that you have accumulated over the years."
Constance: "Is it...right? Should I feel such anger?"
Laura: "Yes! You should take the harp and take retribution for what has happened to you. I want you to go outside and show the world what happens if someone tries to fuck with you. You are very precious."
I picked up the harp, which was leaking blood all over the floor and I opened the door. I took a backwards glance to my room and saw Laura playing the game. She smiled to me, but it looked fake, there was something dark going on... but I wanted to unleash my rage. I wanted to make someone pay for what had happened to me!
I went over to Joe's house, I had seen his house because he often bullied me as I walked home and he used to live very near to me. I knocked on the door and I waited. Time took so long to pass and I was growing impatient. It seemed like an eternity and so many thoughts and curses were swirling and whirling around in my head. Just as Joe placed his hand on the door knob I could take the anticipation no more and, raising the harp right above my head, I smashed it down on the door. The door flew off its hinges and knocked Joe over onto the floor. He was stunned for a short time and was motionless, but eventually, he started to concentrate on what was in front of him. I stood in the doorway with the harp, bleeding, right next to me. He got up and tried to run up to his room but he did not make it very far. As soon as he reached the stairs I swung the harp into him and created a deep cut that shredded through his clothes. Joe screamed out in pain.
Constance: "I'm going to enjoy this! I'm going to unleash all of the fury in my soul, right on to you."
Joe: "Constance! Please, what are you doing!? I beg you to stop. Don't I deserve mercy and don't I deserve life just as much as you do? This isn't in your nature Constance. Please, don't kill me."
I reeled back, what was I doing? This was not right, it was completely evil. He may have bullied me, but he did not deserve such a gruesome and disgusting death. But before I could manage to stop myself a shot of pain surged through my body. I raised the harp to the right, ready to bring it right down into Joe's heart. I tried everything I could and I was crying as I attempted to stop myself, but my hands moved on their own and I destroyed Joe. He was no more, and what was worse was that he was in a terrible state. I think I had completely annihilated his heart into a bloody pulp.
I dropped the harp and fell to the floor, but before I could reflect and grieve over what I had done, I started to see a vision in my head. Laura was still sat in my bedroom, and she was playing a gruesome and corrupted-looking harp to ‘Dance of the Players’.
Laura: “I love this girl, she’s, she’s something else, but, I have accomplished what I set out to. I’m going to have to let her go.”
Laura reached over to the power button on the Dreamcast and I knew instantly what was happening. Laura had been controlling me this whole time, and as soon as she hit that button she was going to kill me.
Constance: "But why? I...I...I thought you loved me..."
' This story was Constance’s thoughts, I could read them and she had always piqued my interests. She is a beautiful girl.
I cried when I was about to press the power button, I never normally felt so emotionally shaken by a person. A player is a player, something that amuses me when I am bored and, more importantly, a proxy that can help me express myself. I have always been able to separate them from my emotional feelings. But...I think I love her and I can’t...I will not kill her! I refuse!
No, Constance will be under the control of my harp until the end of time. I know that she wants to be, after all, she told me she loves me. I don’t know what I am going to make Constance do...but I know that we are going to be so happy.
In fact, I state that we are in wedlock. What's more I will never need to change my appearance again. This woman is so fantastic, she has helped me discover who I am.
Me and my wife will be together....forever. I cannot wait to restart this game. I reach over to the Dreamcast and turn the power back on.
"Constance, let's start our honeymoon!"