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First off, I was working for Black Mesa as a Security Guard. My name's Barney. I am uploading this journal from a Vortigaunt. Gordon Freeman gave it to me. Told me not to post it but... it's just so creepy and I feel it must be shared with the world.

LOG ONE Xonxt's Journal: I am the one known as Xonxt, child, citizen, and follower of the great Nihilanth. In outward appearance I seem to be a mere worker, but such deception is part of my design. Through the blessing of my father, my leader, my master, I was chosen to be amongst the gifted: a super worker. I am smarter, stronger, and faster than most of my kind.

I exist as I do because of the Great Invasion. As it dawned, the great Nihilanth turned to the ancient prophecies, and found a passage indicating the invaders' own strength could be turned against them. The inhabitants of the borderworld, these so-called 'humans,' had broken the natural order by adapting the environment to their needs instead of evolving. They achieve this unnatural effect through 'technology.'

While the overseer caste is traditionally the most intelligent one, technology is so radically different from our own evolutionary path that no existing Xenizen was capable of grasping it. So the great Nihilanth turned to the birthing incubators and channeled his wisdom, his will, and his power into the creation of a new sub-caste of extraordinarily gifted Xenizens. It is in our very nature to be malleable.

I think Xonxt is this Vortigaunt's name. It seems they really didn't like us too much... Can I really blame them??? Those suspension fields up ahead are holding a pair of native creatures known as Spheres. In addition to holding the Spheres aloft, the suspension fields supply energy to an engineered organism enveloping the Spheres that keeps them drugged and nourished. This is a necessary precaution due to the fact that Spheres can build up and fire an electric charge with great rapidity. 

These creatures' unique defensive method was in fact the basis of many of our castes' weaponry, including my own. By taking the appropriate genetic material and mixing it with a base form Xenizen, the great Nihilanth bestowed upon us the same ability. Something was lost in the transition, however, and as such we lack the Spheres' impressive rate of fire. Spheres are additionally capable of gravity-independent movement, are coated in a metallic carapace, and become explosive upon dying. 

This makes them curiously similar to much of human technology, and is the primary reason why I keep them here. This facility is, in part, my lab. The half dozen other super workers that exist are stationed at each of the other production facilities hidden around Xen, where they too are researching the creation of XTBU's: Xen Techno Biologic Units. Just up ahead lies my own experiment, accordingly known as the Xen Techno Biologic Sphere. Xen Techno Biologic Sphere seems to be the thing we stole, I wasn't allowed see what it was.

No, no, no!!! Humans have somehow infiltrated the facility, and they've stolen the XTBS! I must retrieve it or my life is forfeit. See what happened to the workers who failed to stop the humans, struck down by the overseers. They were lucky death embraced them as quickly as it did. If the XTBS, the sole reason I exist, falls into the hands of our enemy, I will have more to fear than death: once informed, the great Nihilanth will reach out with his mind and quell me. The collars that we wear are actually living symbiotes that are capable of controlling the chemicals in our bodies. Overseers and the great Nihilanth can command them to blot out pain when we are hurt, make us happy when we help the Cause, and make us sad when we don't do our part, among many other abilities. Simple-minded creatures, they bow without question to these telepathic wishes. 

If a worker gives in to his rebellious urges, or fails the Cause in any substantial way, the great Nihilanth alone can instruct the collar to overload our bio-electric organs, an act known as quelling. While we are resistant to a great deal of voltage we are not completely immune, and a quelled worker will quickly find himself writhing in agony as his organs melt and his flesh burns. I cannot let these humans escape, or I may find myself suffering such a fate.

Wow, I really feel bad for them. It sounds like they had the fight. It appears that the humans have taken the XTBS aboard that transport. I must go after it, even if it means leaving the relative safety of the facility behind. Luckily, I possess a decided edge in combat that will be most useful in this situation. One of the unique abilities that the great Nihilanth gifted us super workers with was the ability to heal ourselves via our electrical attack. 

Technically speaking, we do not fling the charged energy at our targets but form a connection with them. Two beams are created, one from us and one from them, each meeting halfway, faster than our eyes can perceive. Both are actually shocked as a result, but we can resist it whereas the humans cannot. The key to all of this is that energy is transferred through the beams.

Normally such energy merely dissipates, but we have been created with a special organ that absorbs this energy, converts it into a usable form, and puts it towards healing our wounds. This breakthrough is so recent that only super workers possess these organs; warrior workers, while relatively new as well, began to incubate shortly before the discovery and thus, in my mind at least, are somewhat inferior. So this is what happened at the test Gordon did. As I suspected, the humans--upon discovering this invaluable production facility-are staging a large-scale offensive. The overseers are marshalling our forces in through teleportation, however, so there will be some fierce fighting ahead. With the overseers busy coordinating the battle they won't yet be able to tell the great Nihilanth that the XTBS has been stolen. That buys me some time. Is this transport here the one I'm after? No... but it did pass through here... 

Unlike regular workers I possess some telepathic abilities with which I can track the XTBS and perceive many things beyond our normal senses. For instance, I can tell that there are many Stukabats roosting in these caves. These creatures were an old experiment of ours that modified the native mantas-harmless creatures that congregate in flocks-and combined them with the Spheres' explosive chemicals. The result was an animal that could powerfully detonate itself at will.

Stukabats can be used as weapons if knocked from their perches. Most of the time they'll be stunned by the blow so one can quickly claim them for personal use, but occasionally they'll retain their consciousness and kamikaze any living form nearby. Otherwise they retain the docility of the mantas from which they originated. Caution must be used in angering and turning them loose, however, for if no target is in sight they will then turn back on their caster. Man, all those stories saying the alien is the bad guy... Healing pools are a miraculous natural occurrence here in Xen. A rare microscopic organism settles in a freestanding pool such as this one. While it waits for the arrival of other, more sophisticated life forms, it reproduces asexually until its habitat is brimming with its genetic twins, feeding on whatever other microscopic life can be found in the pool. 

As soon as a visiting creature exposes itself to the liquid the organisms go to work, eating away at wasted materials such as dead skin, dried blood, and so forth. In exchange for the food, the organisms repair damaged areas by excreting antibiotics, painkillers, and many other useful chemicals that accelerate our natural healing properties. A quick dip in a healing pool can repair damage that would otherwise have taken days to naturally mend.

It is these microscopic organisms that are found throughout the bodies of super workers. The special organ we have converts captured energy from our electrical attack into a form instantly absorbed by the organisms, which in turn go into a healing frenzy. The amount of damage they repair in such a short time is remarkable. I had never heard of a pool that has healing powers.  Damn this accursed technology. These soulless sentries spr This is one that didn't translate all the way. I've some good news and some bad news. The good news is that I've come to a conclusion based on these new thoughts I've been having: I will no longer serve Nihilanth. There are too many inconsistencies in everything we've been led to believe, too many things that don't make sense for me to just follow blindly.

The bad news is that apparently Nihilanth designed me with a fail-safe system. In the event that a worker turns traitorous without the knowledge of the overseers, it seems the symbiote begins to give off a very provocative chemical aerosol. The chemical is designed from a very basic composition that most forms of life in Xen can recognize, even primitive ones. The result is that my fellow Xenizens and even native Xen wildlife will be overwhelmed with the desire to kill me.

While my turncoat intentions are unwavering, I must admit a grudging respect for Nihilanth's fail-safe. Despite his foresight, however, his thought process is still based around a system of thinking held since our ancestors. I was designed to think differently, however. If Nihilanth actually believes in the ancient prophecies, then the XTBS is invaluable to him. He would not dare quell me if it would cost him the XTBS. Therefore while my intentions and situation have changed, my goal remains the same: I must claim the XTBS.

A Panthereye... This is one of our most impressive creations. The combination of houndeye and Sphere genetic material produced a creature of great speed and strength, one whose electrical attack shares the Spheres' strong voltage. As such they are a threat even to workers, which means I am going to be in for one hell of a fight. It is a pity that I must kill it...

Long ago, every engineered creature that is now found naturally throughout Xen was contained in a single facility, Panthereyes included. One day the workers at the facility, feeling pity for the creatures that had been created only to be used as weapons of war against our natural enemy and fed up with their own lot, violently revolted. The rebellion was ultimately put down, but not before the workers had freed the overseers' experiments.

Every single worker in all of our empire was killed then to prevent further uprising. To ensure this never happened again, Nihilanth created our symbiote collars, and every worker and new caste based off the worker form has worn one since. All research was additionally moved to separate facilities. It is the same feeling of pity I feel now that drove them to free these poor creatures, just as it is the same rebellious rage that builds within me at the one responsible for all of this. While I cannot hold Nihilanth entirely responsible for the state of our species, blame falls fully on him for instituting our collars. No fouler, viler act of outright enslavement could be imagined than to manipulate our very feelings like that. Worse, to make us dependent upon these feelings, so that we cannot help but come crawling back to him induces a feeling of disgust the likes of which I have never felt. If it weren't for my forced imprisonment I may very well have been driven back to Xen for overseer approval. In doing so, I not only would have risked quelling by failing to retrieve the XTBS, but I would have enamored myself once more to those feelings. I would never have advanced to the state of enlightenment I find myself in now, and probably would have lived out my life in blind subservience to the once great Nihilanth.

-*sigh*- Euphoria aside, my options now are bleak. Once I have the XTBS I will try to use it as a bargaining tool with Nihilanth. In exchange for removing my collar, I will return the XTBS intact so the Cause may go on as prophesied. If he refuses or tries to quell me, my last act will be to take the XTBS with me. Ironic that after all that I've gone through in pursuit of free will, in the end I have no choice at all.

Ugh... I had thought I was dead. The blast nearly killed me, and in the process removed my collar. Dare I say it's a miracle? The thought had never crossed my mind that separating the symbiote from my body while simultaneously absorbing energy would kill it but spare me. I wouldn't recommend the method. The collar was responsible for stimulating my telepathic sensory ability; without it I can't track the XTBS. It could be anywhere.

So what happens now? I'm far from home and do not think I have the strength to find my way back in search of a portal. That leaves me with two options. The first is that I could wander about this vast alien world, completely alone, injured, and exhausted, most likely to die a meaningless death out there somewhere. The second is that I could trust my fate to these humans, the first two I have ever seen to not flee or try to kill me. If this question had been posed to me yesterday, I would have taken my chances out there.

So be it. I will go with these blue humans aboard their transport, this pair who looks as injured and weary as I am, and we will see what happens from there. This is an alien world to me, a strange, nearly incomprehensible place, but if I can find safety amongst the company of these humans, I think I can adapt to whatever life has to throw at me. After all, I am malleable.

It ends there but Gordon told me he had to kill Nihilanth...

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