You may be reading this pasta because of the title, paint.exe. No, it's not some shitty everyday pasta where the main character kills the other major characters while having black and red eyes. The reason it is called that is because that's the name of the game, simply paint.exe. It was my copy of Paint the Town Red, a voxel-based fighting game on Steam. But when I found it on my desktop, it wasn't called Paint the Town Red, it was called paint.exe,  probably the name of the actual file. Alright, let's get a move on.

       I had recently bought Paint the Town Red after watching every youtuber I knew play it. It looked amazing, and I've always had a fascination with gore. Not gore porn or anything, it's just that disembowelling video game characters is satisfying to me and is good when it comes to relieving stress, which I had a lot of.

       I waited through the installation process, and there it was on my desktop. Paint.exe. The icon was normal, the half-skinned blocky face, but for some reason, there were no red voxels at all, just the skull. I found that weird, but shook it off like any normal human. I then was plopped into the title screen, and I selected the first level, a biker bar. I was spawned and decided to explore the area a little bit before erupting the entire place into a brawl. After snooping around, I then went to the kitchen in order to begin the gore-fest, but the kitchen's doors were solid objects instead of physics objects (basically, they were locked). I looked through the windows and saw the kitchen staff dead, cut in half vertically. There were no weapons in there, so I guess I didn't lose all that much.

       I walked into the administrator's office (the room with the police-looking guy where you can get a machete), and grabbed the nearest object and threw it at the administrator, stalling for time while I snatched the machete off his table and cut him up first. Then I went to the basement and killed the boxer, so I could make sure the bosses of the map don't come after me while a crowd of pissed-off bar patrons are after me.

       The rest of the level was what you expect, just me killing everyone. However, after I killed every single person, it still said at the bottom, "ONE ENEMY LEFT". I looked everywhere, but to no avail. Then I peeked in the kitchen. There was an enemy in there, glitched to the wall and wielding a cleaver. I glitched the game and threw one of those long sticks at his face (go up close to the door and throw), but it didn't kill him. I went and got the "safety machette", which was placed on top of the moose trophy for those who don't know, threw it at him, and decapitated him. However, he still stood there. I threw whatever I had at him, starting with the sharpest objects, but to no avail. No matter how much I maimed this annoying person, he would not fall down. Even cutting off his legs (kills anyone) didn't work. I cursed to myself.

      To fix this glitch, I reloaded the game. After I reloaded the game, the entire game plaid normally, and the kitchen doors were open. I then beat the map. However, when I killed the last enemy, it didn't have me walk out the door. It simply cut to black. White letters appeared at the bottom.

what did you accomplish

you awful person

     Okay, now I knew THAT wasn't supposed to happen. I exited the game and turned off my PC. I looked at my clock. Approximately 1:00 AM. Good lord. I just went right to sleep.

     I woke up and went into the bathroom to take a shower. I took the shower, did the other usual bathroom activities, and cooked up some bacon. I then ate the bacon and went back on my PC. I then went on Steam and plaid the Binding of Isaac, which I was determined to win. I had a pretty good synergy going, but before I could enter the final room, the entire game exited. I shouted "What the hell?!" in anger, knowing how much luck I needed to get a run that good. Paint.exe was now centered in the middle of my desktop, which honestly made me terrified. I placed the file into the recycle bin and emptied it. Guess what happened. Paint.exe put itself on my desktop as soon as the emptying was complete.

   Sighing, I fought the urge to run away while double-clicking paint.exe. The game instantly put me on a map. It appeared to be a labyrinth of sort. The floor was concrete and the walls were made of bricks, and the ceiling was either gone or so high up that fog developed before you could see the top. I felt uneasy travelling into this probably forbidden zone. There was a long hallway that emptied into a large room. In the center of the room was a weapon. A toothbrush shank. Surrounding it was what appeared to be a circle of salt or dust. The weapon itself was bloodstained, showing it was already used. As soon as I picked it up, 4 enemies fell from the black abyss above me. These enemies had missing feet and hands, and they each held a toothbrush shank. We fought, and I won. The wall in front of me burst open, showing a secret tunnel.

   I ventured on, the feeling of dread growing larger and larger as I ventured on. Questions ran through my head.

"What even is this place?"

"Why am I here?"

"How did Steam standards allow this game to be released?"

"Is this Hell?"

"Am I dreaming?"

   I pinched myself. Nope, not dreaming. I finally reached the end of that annoying tunnel. This, once again, lead into another large room. There was a beam of light in the middle of it. Looking at that beam of light made me feel triumphant and put a big smile on my face, knowing that I finally reached the end of this awful place. I walked toward the center of it. But then, the light diminished. I felt unsafe, unhappy, and scared as I saw flames erupt from the ground, coating the walls in a golden shield of fire. The floors below me started to crumble apart, and I could not move. I looked down. My character's feet had been melted into the floor, rendering me immobile. As the pillar of concrete I was standing on crumbled, my character fell down into the fiery barabacu below, and then I got the death screen.

  My kill count was some gargantuous number, somewhere in the billions. The rest of the stats were not shown. I pressed "exit", but the screen went black, and I got some more lovely text.

you can not escape hell

your torture is inevitable

you worthless vermin



  The rest of the screen was filled with "hahahaha", as the font grew larger until all I could see is white. Then my computer crashed.

  I refunded the game and am still traumatized by it to this day. No matter how happy I am, that damn game and that damn white text never leaves my head. 

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