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I love Team Fortress 2. Whenever I would have free time, I would hop on a random server, pick the scout (my favorite class, by the way), then totally trash anyone who would stand in my path. Not only do I enjoy the game, I enjoy the vibrant creative culture it's created. My favorite part of this culture is a character known as Vagineer. For those of you who don't know, Vagineer is an Engineer whose jaw is extended so far downwards, his mouth ends up looking like a vagina, hence the name Vagineer. Thanks to his freakish appearance and his propensity to speak backwards, he has become the star of countless Gmod videos. Whenever I see him, I get a big grin on my face, even when he's the star of supposedly “scary” Gmod videos. Why do I mention Vagineer? Well, it will become relevant shortly.

One night, I was browsing through the custom game servers in Team Fortress 2 to find any fun or inventive mods the players created when I stumbled upon a server with the odd name of “emhtiwyalp”. It took me a few seconds to realize it was “playwithme” spelled backwards. I assumed the creator chose this name in order to stand out in the crowd. Then again, most gamers will assume this title is gibberish and pass it up. I, on the other hand, was the kind of guy who was willing to give anything a chance. I clicked it out of curiosity. The map was 2fort. I assumed it was a typical game of capture the flag, so I picked the Scout.

When I spawned in the BLU base, the first thing I noticed was that there was no one else around. There weren't even any gunshots outside. The server was completely empty. I guess I understand why the guy called it “emhtiwyalp”. It was a cry for attention. He was lonely and I felt sorry for the guy. I went outside, stopped at the bridge and looked around. No one. I was about to hit the escape key when out of the RED base stepped a Vagineer. He met me at the bridge. Down in the chat box, a player named “reenigaV” wrote “.olleH” Like a true Vagineer, he was speaking backwards. In this case, he was saying Hello backwards. I appreciated how faithful he was to the character. Vagineer (or “reenigaV” as he called himself) continued. “?nigeb ew llahS” Shall we begin? I assumed this was a custom duel game, so I agreed by shooting him in the face. He tried to hit me with his wrench, but I ran backwards and pumped lead into him until he died. He wasn't so tough.

The second round began. We met on the bridge again. He wrote “!nuf fo stol evah lliw eW” We will have lots of fun! He tried the same tactics as last round, so I put him in his place. This guy is a joke. No wonder no one wants to play with him.

The third round. When we met on the bridge, I decided to have a little fun with him by writing in the chat box, “You suck. You're pathetic. Seriously, are you autistic? It's no wonder no one wants to play with you. Exit out and uninstall the game, loser.” I emptied my shotgun into him, but for some strange reason, he didn't die. Since I was out of ammo, I switched to my bat and wailed on him for an entire minute, but he still didn't die. Vagineer laughed an evil backwards laugh and wrote, “.emag laiceps a yalp ot tnaw I” I want to play a special game. He hit me a single time with his wrench, and I was shocked to see that I died instantly. I wrote, “You fucking hacker!” He wrote back, “.rekcah on ma I” I am no hacker.

The fourth round. I started to notice a few graphical glitches. Red splotches would randomly appear on the floor and walls and disappear just as quickly. When I went outside, the sky would occasionally flicker red. Vagineer was standing on the bridge. I tried shooting at him, but when I did so, he started running away from me. I shot him again and the graphics started glitching up even more. Certain textures would turn from high-res to lo-res and back again in a flash, and the floor would flicker in and out of existence. I was certain there was nothing wrong with my graphics card because yesterday I was able to play Skyrim at its highest settings smoother than buttered glass. I kept shooting at him and the graphics continued to glitch up. I followed him all the way into the intelligence room. By this time, I was out of ammo, so I pulled out my bat and started wailing on him, but no matter how many times I hit him, he wouldn't die. Vagineer said, “uoy rof epoh on si erehT” There is no hope for you. He instantly killed me with his wrench. This time, the blow sent me clear across the room. As scout's lifeless body was flailing around, I noticed another glitch: the briefcase changed into a severed head and back again.

The final round. Things took a turn for the morbid. The walls were stained with blood. On the floor there was a trail of blood that led outside and into the RED base. I went outside and when I looked up, the sky was a dark red. I knew nothing good would come of this, but I continued onward. I followed the trail of blood all the way to the intelligence room. I was horrified to discover a massive pile of bloody heads where the briefcase should be. I heard a sick, demented backwards laugh behind me. I turned around and I saw Vagineer. He was slowly approaching me. I tried getting away, but the movement keys didn't work. I tried attacking, but that didn't work either. It was obvious this was a scripted event. He stopped inches away from my face. I was about to hit the escape key when he asked, “?dog ni eveileb uoy oD” Do you believe in god? Since I'm an atheist I wrote “No.” He replied, “!stiawa noivilbO” Oblivion awaits! As Vagineer instant-killed me one last time, he let out a heart-stopping, ear-splitting “WUUUUUUUUUUB!!!!!” Scout exploded into tiny pieces, the screen went black for a few seconds, then it went back to the main menu. As far as I could tell, everything was back to normal.

As I sat in my chair petrified, I asked myself, “What kind of sadistic fuck would make something like that?” I had been through enough, so I went to sleep. A few days later, I told my friends on Steam what had happened, and they told me they had played on that server as well. They also mentioned that if you answer “yes” to Vagineer's question “Do you believe in god?” he will reply, “!mih ot uoy dnes lliw I” I will send you to him! I mentioned this server on the Steam forums and many others recounted their horrifying experiences with it. We asked Valve to do something about that server, but they said they could find no record that a server named “emhtiwyalp” ever existed. We told them our experiences with the server to prove it was real, but they simply reiterated what they had said before.

I eventually put the experience behind me and got back to playing Team Fortress 2 as usual. I can still kill n00bs with ease, but sometimes, when I'm playing at night, I can hear backwards mumbling off in the dark corners of my room.

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