I’m sorry. I’m sorry for being born. I’m sorry for having only one job. I’m sorry for the misery I have caused. Please forgive me.

The year was 1994. I was the employee of the month at Hasbro. I did something revolutionary, that Hasbro had praised me for. They knew that this revolution would usher in a new era of big money. The company was fighting with Mattel, who was generating massive revenue from their current Barbie lineup. They had to do something. I worked in the shadows for 8 years, perfecting the art of the Ouija Board, before I entered the company.

They did not suspect anything until after they hired me. I was hired to work on board game design, after showing them a great game I made up named GhostFinder. It was a game about racing around the board while being chased by a ghost who was “it”. Imagine Monopoly meets the outdoor game of Tag, and you got GhostFinder. However, the idea was scrapped shortly after I was hired, for an unknown reason. Soon after, employees would find me talking to myself, and when asked, I would reply that I did not recall what just happened, and I still don’t recall those “conversations”.

I would continue perfecting my Ouija Board abilities, at work and at home. Soon, people found out my dirty secret, and I was threatened with unemployment. However, once the head boss of Pawtucket Hasbro found out, he had an idea… A horrible, horrible idea…

The boss asked me to use a Ouija Board on the 1994 editions of Monopoly. He said that it would gather more revenue for us if I were successful. He doesn’t understand… these beings are terrible. They hate us and they want us to be with them so they can hurt us.

I had no choice. I was faced with doing a dangerous job or leaving the company if I did not comply. I knew I would be responsible for the deaths of innocent people. I knew I would hurt people that I had no intention to hurt.

So, the boss gave me a Ouija Board from the Hasbro Vault and asked me to work my magic. Tens of workers watching my every move, as I contacted a terrible spirit. I knew him well. He speaks in a raspy voice and he is rumored to be as smelly as a rotting zombie. He is a malignant spirit that deals with greed. His name I cannot clearly remember.

“WHO DEAREST SUMMON ME” The Ouija Board spelled out.

“It is I, Maester Seymour,” I shouted to the room, keeping a close eye on the planchette. My nickname for Ouija-Work was Maester Seymour, since my now and then deceased dog’s name was Seymour.

The Oujia Board Continued to spell, “I KNOW WHO YOU ARE I KNOW WHAT YOU WANT GIVE ME SOMETHING IN RETURN”, and then the planchette stopped moving.

I thought this over for a while and offered something, “I will offer you my body and soul, Do what you will with it!” I shouted at the demon with meaning, as my body was racked with fear. I never went this far with the Ouija Board.   

My arms resting on the planchette flew over to “GOODBYE”, as I could feel a force pushing on me.

I blacked out, reportedly. When I awoke, I found that the company was having a huge party. I felt sick. I tried to get up. A force knocked me down.

“Please… Ugh… I need a bathroom!” I shouted out loud.

The demon insisted that I stay and watch myself puke. I felt it coming up, and I could not hold it in anymore. I puked all over myself black tar-like crap. It felt warm to the touch, and my body was in immense pain. I blacked out again.

When I woke up, I was in a hospital. The doctor reported to me that I was in a coma for several weeks. After the coma, I felt normal again. The boss came in to check on me, and he hoped I was okay. In reality, I knew that all he cared about was money, just like the demon once inside me. I know that demon still lurks in those games.

I know that innocent people will get hurt from those games. I’m sorry… I’m a terrible person…

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