~This is the story about a little girl that didn't know what cursing or what sex was. Two nights before thanksgiving, she heard her parents having sex. Her father said: "Oh honey, I love your luscious tits." Then her mother said: "And I love your slim dick!" The next morning, the girl asked her father what "luscious tits" were. The father panicked. "It's a fine coat." He said. The little girl then asked her mother what a "slim dick" is. The mother panicked and said: "It's a pair of boots." The next morning was thanksgiving, she walked past her father shaving in the bathroom. He cut him self and exclaimed: "Oh, shit!" The little girl asked what shit meant. "I'm shaving right now, sweety" said her father. Then the girl went into the kitchen where her mother was cooking the turkey. She accidentally dropped it on the floor and said: "Oh, f*ck!" "What does f*ck mean?" Asked the little girl. "I'm cooking the turkey right now, sweety." replied her mother. Then the door bell rang. Her mother told her to go open the door and welcome the thanksgiving guests. The little girl walked up, opened the door and said: "Hello everyone! Hang up your luscious tits, drop your slim dicks, my dad's upstairs shitting and my mum's f*cking the turkey."
~My friend: Your dick is probably like a tic tac.
Me: No wonder your moms mouth is so fresh.
~"Haha, you failed!"
"Yeah, so did your dad's condom."
~My girl caught me blowing my dick with the air dryer, and asked what I was doing? Apparently "heating your dinner" wasn't a good answer.
~Teacher: "Anyone who thinks he's stupid may stand up!"
*Nobody stands up*
Teacher: "I'm sure there are some stupid students over here!!"
*Little Johnny stands up*
Teacher: "Ohh, Johnny you think you're stupid?"
Little Johnny: "No...I just feel bad that you're standing alone..."
~Boy: *calls 911* Hello? I need your help!
911: Alright, What is it?
Boy: Two girls are fighting over me!
911: So what's your emergency?
Boy: The ugly one is winning.
You: call me a bitch again i dare you.
You: That's right bitches do what their told.
~Guy: Wanna suck my dick?
Guy: Probably for the best. I mean, it has a label-Warning! Choking Hazard!
Girl: Isn't that the warning put on tiny objects?
~Son: Dad do you remember your first blowjob?
Dad: Ohhh yeah I do!
Son: How did it taste?
Dad: Get out.
~Dad: Say daddy!
Dad: Come on, say daddy!
Dad: F*ck you, say daddy!
Baby: F*ck you, Mommy!
Mom: Honey, I'm home!
Baby: F*ck you!
Mom: Who taught you that?
Dad: Son of a b*tch.
~Teacher: Where the hell is your math homework?!
Me: it committed suicide, had too many problems.
~Mom: Go clean your room!
Me: But its MY room.
Mom: And this is MY house.
Me: Then you go clean it.
~Teacher: Why are you late?
Student: I'm late?
Teacher: You missed an entire period.
Student: Are you telling me I'm pregnant?
~Teacher- Did you do your homework?
Student - Did you grade my test?
Teacher - I have other students' tests to grade.
Student - I have other teachers' homework to do.
~Boy: The principal is so dumb!
Girl: Do you know who I am?
Girl: I am the principal's daughter!
Boy: Do you know who I am?
Boy: Good! *walks away*
These are a few of my jokes.