I thought I might start trying to remember what I can from the dreams I have, and write them up. this is something I've done sporadically throughout my life, and I always wish I did it more, since I often enjoy rereading descriptions of old dreams I've had. I'm going to post them here in my SOG blog page since... well, I don't know exactly, but It's what I'm going to do.

Last night I remember having a dream, about which I remember very little. I'm going to add a bit of personal info with the dream to give it a bit more relevance. It's probably going to be a bit personal, but hey, you're all just anonymous internet people, so it's all good :D

So the main focus of the dream was that I was arguing with my father. Not like, petty kid's stuff (I'm 30 BTW,,, I know, I know... I'm an old man) The dream was taking place sometime after my mother and father had divorced. This happened when I was 17, so there were never any real custody issues, my mother moved and married a new guy, and my brother and I stayed in Pennsylvania in the house we grew up in with dad. The relationship was a lot different since then, but we all still got (and get) along. 

So I was talking to my father. he apparently had just been dumped by the new woman he was seeing (in real life, he never re-married, nor even dated again, his health was failing.) I should point out that my father is currently dead. He died about 5 years ago from Heart Failure, Kidney failure, diabetic complications... take your pick.

This is really dragging... sorry, I'll try to speed things up.

We were arguing about his life. More specifically, his desire to end his life. He was saying that he had had a good life, but now things weren't really very enjoyable for him. His health was starting to fail, his woman had left him (again) and he was simply tired. 

I was freaking out telling him that he couldn't just off himself, and that he should try to hang on for a while longer, and things might get better. That my brother and I would miss him terribly, and that there were so many things I really wanted to ask him while he was alive. 

The ending of the dream is just fuzzy... I don't know what ended up happening, or if there was any resolution. One of the ironic things about this dream, is that not long ago, in January actually, I made a second attempt to take my own life. Not a gesture, or a decision made while drunk. I was sober, and simply didn't think I wanted to be around any longer. Similar reasons to what Dad was telling me in the dream.

So, maybe this is my subconscious trying to give me a "taste of my own Medicine" :P

Anyhow, I kind of just wanted to get that out of my brain, If no one ever reads it, I think I'll still feel better for having typed it out.


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